How to make habits stick

Making regular things become ingrained habits can be hard. If it were easy we would be doing all manner of things to change our lives easily.

Choose the number of habits in proportion to how big the changes are

There are different views about how to make habits stick and how many habits to focus on at a time. I think the key to choosing the number of habits you want to achieve by thinking about how big a change the habits are. For example, a new habit of going to the gym three times a week is significant. It requires lots of actions to achieve. On the other hand, if the new habit is small and discrete, like drink three glasses of water a day - then it might be possible to do a couple of habits at once like have a daily vitamin with one of the glasses of water.

The key is how many steps and how significant they are to developing the new habit. For example, if you want to go to the gym three times a week, you might need to:

  • sign up with a gym which involves doing research on best options

  • buy some gym gear

  • work out in your busy schedule how you can fit three times in

  • arrange for childcare when going to the gym

  • have a strategy for when you are feeling tired and you do not want to go.

Most online sources or books say start with one or two habits and stick with it for a minimum of 28 days.

Starting small may help make the new habit seem more manageable

In my new gym habit example above, there were clearly lots of steps to creating a habit of going to the gym three times a week. If you have investigated it and it seems a lot, perhaps finding a smaller habit might be a good first step. For example, if you aim is to get fitter, walking for 30 minutes on the weekend with a friend and even with your kids may make getting more exercise easier and more enjoyable.

Starting a new habit can be daunting. Being realistic is important as well as setting up systems for success.

Do everything you can in advance to think of the barriers you will face

When we are trying to make changes sometimes, we can convince ourselves that the smallest thing means we cannot do the new habit. For example, I cannot drink more water during the day because I forgot my water bottle. I cannot go to the gym because I forgot my gear. We need to think about what we can do to make sure that we have the best chance of doing the habit. For example, if gym day is Wednesday, then on Tuesday put your gym clear in a bag to take to work or in the car if you drive to the gym. Ways that can help use make new habits stick can be:

  • thinking about potential reasons for not doing the habit and having a plan e.g. I might not drink more water if I forgot my bottle and the water at work does not taste nice. So as part of my night before routine I pack a water bottle

  • put reminders in your diary or in your environment to remind you to do the habit

  • make the habit part of your weekly planning e.g. put the habit in your planner as something you need to do

  • track your habits

  • set yourself a challenge to do the habit for 30 days and provide yourself with a reward

Associate the habit with something you like

Linking habits can help make them stick, particularly if they are associated with something you like. For example, if I want to drink three more glasses of water a day, I might drink a glass of water before I drink my cup of coffee in the morning that I love. Or I might say, no K-dramas until I have had a glass of water. Associating the habit with something you enjoy could help make it something you remember to do.

In the gym example, it could be associated with a morning routine where you buy yourself a coffee and sit in a cafe for 15 minutes reading your favorite book. Going to the gym could be associated with listening to your favorite music when you are going to and from the gym or even on the tread mill at the gym.

Track your progress

Habit progress needs to be tracked for two reasons - first to measure our progress but secondly the tracking process is another reminder to our brains to do the habit.

One way to track is to set something like a 30-day challenge if you are doing a new habit that is daily.

Recognize a couple of failures does not mean it is time to stop the habit

It is easy if we fail with a habit for a few days or times to give it away because we think we cannot do it or we think we do not have the motivation or will-power to implement the habit.

Rather than give the habit away, have a think about:

  • why you did not do the habit

  • is there something you can do to address why you failed to do the habit (e.g. have a set of gym clothes at work so you never have no gym clothes for working out in)

  • Reduce the habit to something more manageable e.g. if you want to drink three glasses of water a day but only manage three on a good day, then aim for three and then aim for five. If you want to run for 30 minutes, aim to run for 10 minutes until that becomes routine and then increase.

  • Get an accountability or habit partner - for example, ask a friend to text you at the end of the week for a month to see how your habit implementation went.

If it does not work, try and try again - but do it differently

Habits can be hard to establish. If your first attempt does not work, think about why it failed and then try a new approach. When I wanted to increase my water intake, I put a water bottle on my desk but I did not drink more water. I then tried to put reminders in my diary to drink more water but that did not work as well as I just snoozed them. But now I have a pattern of more water associated with activities during the day, like before my first cup of coffee in the morning.

Starting a new habit can be hard but achieving a new habit can be rewarding. Do all you can to make sure you think about and deal with the excuses that you might make to avoid doing the habit.

A final word, sometimes people say that not achieving a habit means that the motivation was not there. In part that can be true but some habits we do not want to do but they are good for us to do, like Health habits - so we might not have natural motivation to stop having a cookie with our coffee in the morning but for our health we might need to. The real reward of making a good habit, like one that improves our happiness and health, is when it becomes automatic to us to do and our lives improve.

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